My little story and analysisI have always been traditionally educated in China, in my home city, Zhuhai until the second year of highschool. My family and I decided to come to the US for highschool education all of a sudden. It was almost like a act of the flow, following all those students who flew to the other side of the world and study there. The first year in my new high school, Northfield Mount Hermon, was magical-- everything was new: study, teacher, roommate, dorm life, dance company, outdoor team, etc. I loved it. However, my second year was already senior year, I started to get bored. I started to think: why do I have to work so hard? What is the purpose for all these? I didn't have a clue. And that made me upset, frustrated and nervous. College application soon came up too. I did not have a any direction because I still haven't figured out what do I want for life! After several weeks of frustration, I went out for help. I asked all the people that I admired, teachers, students, friends, staff. And the main ideas they gave me were all about the big ideals such as "giving back to the community", "do good to the society", blah, blah, blah.
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Finally, when I was almost too disappointed to ask anyone anymore, I asked a English teacher on duty that night when I signed in before bed. "Mr. Shea, what is your life purpose?" He looked at me in the eye and became serious, which he never does because he is always so funny, and said, "it is very fortunate that you asked me this. Come here." We sat down and talked and talked for hours that evening. He told me everything about his story--how he was at the same stage of wondering and panic just like me at the exact same age as me by then. And how his issue went so bad that he almost wanted to kill himself because he didn't see the purpose of living. And finally, how he found God and that was the reason and purpose of his life since then. And finally how much he appreciate life. I was so touched that he would share his story with me even though we are not close at all-- I am not even in his class. His story was so true, so close. I may not be a Christian or anything but I know that I am on this journey of life that must has a meaning and purpose. I just have to calm down and live it well for now, at the moment, and be prepared for my purpose to come out. And hopefully, by then, I will be able to offer my value and strength for that purpose.
Just as Amrutha said, "be content." I try to be. |